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What If Your Husband Does NOT Support Homeschooling

Lately we’ve gotten quite a few questions (on the Hip Homeschool Moms Facebook page) from moms who want to homeschool but whose husbands don’t approve. If you happen to be one of those moms, what should you do? I have some advice that you might want to consider and that I hope you find helpful.

First, it is my personal belief that you should not homeschool unless both parents agree to it. A homeschooling mom needs her husband’s support. You will need your husband to be “on your side” if you have difficulties. (And we all have difficult situations to deal with now and then!) You will want his input and suggestions and support. You may need his help from time to time. This may not be a very popular opinion, but I honestly believe it’s not a good idea to homeschool unless your husband agrees to it.

So what should you do if your husband won’t consider homeschooling yet you feel it’s the best option for your children?

First, pray.

If you are a Christian and you truly feel like it’s God’s will that you homeschool, then leave the decision to Him. A former Sunday School teacher of mine used to say that we should “pray it on them and not lay it on them.” In other words, pray that God will change your husband’s heart toward homeschooling if that is what He wants for your family, but don’t spend a lot of time trying to convince your husband of it. This is a hard one! But if we really believe that God is in control, then we know that He can do a better job of helping your husband see what’s best for your family than you can. (Moment of truth: I’m a do-it-yourself kind of gal, so this one is particularly difficult for me!!)

Give your husband a chance to express exact reasons why he’s against homeschooling.

Even if you think you know exactly why your husband is not a fan of homeschooling, it’s still a good idea to sit down and have a totally calm, open conversation about it.  Let him know how important his concerns are to you, and that you want to understand them. Then (and this is the hard part) just listen. Don’t attempt to answer him or make judgments at that moment. Instead, “make a date” to get back to him with your response. Take some time to think carefully about his concerns. Decide how you feel about each one (Be honest with yourself!). Then be sure to keep your date to discuss them with him. Maybe he has some good points that you need to consider.

Do some research. 

Unfortunately, there are a lot of misinformed stereotypes out there about homeschooling. Luckily, however, there are also research studies and resources out there which show that those stereotypes are just that–misinformed! These resources can definitely facilitate helpful conversations and may even ease your husband’s concerns about homeschooling (depending on what they are). Below are a couple of good places to start! 

Homeschooling Grows Up: How do homeschoolers “turn out?”  This summary provides an overview of studies that have assessed, in particular, how homeschooled grads are handling life, college, and young adulthood. This is a particularly good resource to check out if socialization or college acceptance/success are a concern. 

The Academic and Social Benefits of Homeschooling: While the above-listed resource is a great resource, you may also be interested in more recent research. If so, this research was published in 2020 by the James G. Martin Center for Academic Renewal and may be of interest to you. 

Actual Homeschooling Requirements by State: If your husband (or you) are concerned about the logistics of getting started with homeschooling, it’s helpful to be able to make a plan based on the actual requirements in your state. You can easily find out what those are by clicking the blue link in this section (which will take you to the HSLDA Website). It might be more simple than you think, or you may have more hoops to jump through than you realize! Either way, it’s something you can easily find out before you discuss it with your spouse! In fact, the HSLDA Website has a lot of very practical information for getting started and making sure your all of your homeschooling records are straight.

Encouragement and Real Life Accounts: 

While not “hard data,” anecdotal accounts and words of wisdom can help you get a sense of what homeschooling might look like for your family and be able to better discuss it, together.  On these sites, and others, you’ll find encouragement, stories, and homeschooling ideas that may help you be able to better picture/discuss what homeschooling might look like in your family. This can definitely be helpful as you consider homeschooling as an option. Peruse the below sites for questions on any and all things concerning “real life” homeschooling. 

This website (Hip Homeschool Moms)

Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers 

Suggest a “trial” period.

If you truly can’t agree on the issue, perhaps your husband will be willing to let you try out homeschooling for a period of time. (You may have to be willing to try it for a few weeks over the summer!) If your husband has a chance to see what homeschooling looks like for your family, he may end up really liking it!

What should you do if, after all of this, your husband doesn’t change his mind and is still against homeschooling? If that happens, I suggest that you:

Do keep on praying!
Do have your plans ready in case your husband changes his mind and agrees to let you give it a try. You don’t have to have elaborate plans, a syllabus for every subject, and tons of books and materials. Just have an idea of what you want to do and what materials you’ll need so you will be ready just in case.
Don’t “nag” your husband and point out every single negative thing that the children experience in public or private school. Be reasonable about what you point out to discuss with him.
Don’t have an “I-told-you-so” attitude if your children have negative experiences in public or private school. That is not a good way to gain his acceptance! He still may come around if you give him time and space to consider it.
Don’t allow a bitter attitude to grow in your heart if he doesn’t change his mind. Homeschooling your children is a wonderful endeavor and one that I strongly believe in. It is not, however, worth causing problems in your marriage! You will “keep” your husband even after your children are grown and gone.

Do you have any suggestions for resources that might be helpful in this situation? Do you have a story to share about how your husband “came around” to the idea of homeschooling? Any advice to share with moms who really want to homeschool but whose husbands just don’t agree? Please leave a comment! We’d love to hear from you.

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  1. When I originally began exploring homeschooling as an option for our family my husband was not in favor of it. It may seem like a long time but over the next two years God was not only speaking to my husbands heart about but also helping me to fix some thing I needed to deal with. During that time he was also helping us work out some health and financial issues that needed to dealt with in order for me to be home with the family teaching our children. I finally just prayed, “God, these are your children first, you know what they need. I ask your protection over them each day as they go to school. I know that you love them and know what is best for them. I asked God to speak to my husband if Hsing was what he wanted for our family and if not to give me peace knowing that we was in control and that I would have unity with my husband.” It was just a few months later that my husband decided we should indeed consider homeschooling. Its amazing how when we give things over to God and trust him just how faithful he is. That would be my advise, just give it to God.

    1. April, that is wonderful! Yes, we can rest assured that God’s plans are always best for us and that we need to let Him be in charge. Thanks for sharing your story with us!

    2. Oh April!
      Your post is so similar to our life circumstances. Homeschool has been on my mind and heart for several years, but really the past two years I have been praying hard about it, pretty much daily, sometimes several times a day! 🙂 Last year, my husband told me he thought HS was something we needed to do and I couldn’t believe it. However, we were not in the shape financially for me to quit my job as an art teacher at private school. I didn’t want to put him in a position to fail financially as the primary bread winner (we’ve been there in the past when I was a sahm and God provided wonderfully, but it was stressful on my husband) so decided I would wait until we paid off my car. We are in the process of adopting from foster care, paying off bills, and he is at a point where he feels comfortable with a career change (I think he wants a farm, or something where he works for himself), so now he is back at square one on the HS issue worrying about if it would be beneficial for our family or not. Honestly, I felt somewhat betrayed and angry because I felt we had a common goal that we were working toward. Now, I don’t know if it will ever happen and that is a hard pill for me to swallow. I have prayed that God would completely take the desire out of my heart if it is not what He wants for us, but that desire has only grown stronger the past two years. I don’t understand why God would allow it to grow in my heart and go up in smoke in my husband’s, but I do know that God has a plan and it is perfect. I just feel lost right now and don’t know what to do, but keep praying about HS, praying for my husband, praying for us financially, and seeking truth and wisdom in the midst of all this confusion. Please pray for our family. I miss my kids so much during the day. Reading all of your posts gives me hope, thankyou Wendy for this article!

      1. Tiffany I feel the same and think about HS daily and have a strong feeling in my heart it is the right thing to do. My kids are 4 and 7. I can be patient for a while more but my husband is very stubborn and the main reason I believe is that he does not want me to leave my job with good health benefits. I agree this will be hard, but I would rather do that than miss out on a great opportunity to homeschool our children and I have part time work opportunities I can pursue…
        Good luck to you

        1. Nicky, mine are 5 and 7! lol Praying for you and your husband too! I feel that is why my husband wants me to now keep my job. He is wanting to create his own business and wants my pay to carry the benefits. It’s taken me a long time time to get to the point where I’m ready to take this leap financially, so I know it’s going to take him awhile. I will not give up! Praying, praying, praying!

  2. My husband was a little apprehensive at first, especially when I didn’t use the government-funded k12 program but he still supported me in this endeavor. Now, a year later, he is so glad we did it. It is a matter of de-programming yourself (or your husband) from the public-school mentality. Homeschooling was the best decision for my family.

    1. I’m so glad that your husband supported you in choosing to homeschool! Many times the husband will “come around” if he will agree to give it a chance. Thanks for your comment.

  3. Giving him time helps, too. Plant a seed, then wait for it to mature.

    Before I was married, when my husband and I were just friends, I said that I very much wanted to homeschool my kids. I was homeschooled, and I feel like I got a wonderful education out of it… and besides, how else am I going to have an excuse to visit the zoo or the natural history museum or the aquarium every weekend if I don’t have a school discount and a unit study to back it up? (Once a homeschooler, always a homeschooler…) He was lukewarm on the idea, and expressed a lot of concerns about socialization, the quality of the education, how most homeschoolers he knows are terrible at math (true, unfortunately), etc. etc. Since then, though, he’s had a lot of time to think on the subject and has totally come around — he actively wants to homeschool our kids and is completely supportive.

    So give it time, and keep pointing out successful homeschoolers or mentioning cool things you’d like to do as part of a homeschool curriculum… Most people are pretty reasonable, and if your husband can see that 1) you’re committed, and 2) it really will be a great education for their kids, they’ll jump on board.

    1. Good suggestions! I agree that most men will agree once they realize what good outcomes most homeschoolers have. You are also right that it may take time, though. And most men don’t respond well to repeated “reminders” and questioning, so it’s very important to give them plenty of time to think about it and warm up to the idea before bringing it up again.

  4. My husband and I have agreed to homeschool our 2 daughters (now ages 2 1/2 and 4 1/2). The problem I am having is that my son (who is from my previous marriage) is currently attending our public school, in the third grade, and would love to be able to be homeschooled. However, my ex-husband is against the idea and I am not sure what means I have to convince him. I have physical custody but we do share joint custody. Anyone out there in a similar situation? Any advice?

    1. Julie, I’m so sorry about that! I’m sure it must be very hard for you and your son too since you know he would like to homeschool. Do you think you ex-husband would agree to discuss it with you? Or would he perhaps be willing to let you try it for a year and see how it goes? There is so much research out there that explains the advantages of homeschooling. If he would be willing to look at some of it, he might realize that it could be a very good thing for your son. I hope he’s willing to consider it!

    2. Julie,

      I have a 16 years old from a previous marriage and I home school her. In our court papers its the same situation..I have custody but we have joint. It also states in the papers that I have last say in decision in medical, education and such type of decisions. I did discuss it with her father and let him voice his opinion and weighed from there. Look over your papers see how it reads. Talk with the father. I would not suggest doing it if he completely against it, does not want to talk about it. It can make it harder in the long run.

  5. What if it is not my husband that is giving me problems about homeschooling? My MIL recently made a passing statement that if I don’t put my (just turned 5) son in public school, then I would be sacrificing his chances at a good education because he is a bright child. Keep in mind that we have been homeschooling our 11 year old for 5 years and our 5 yr old for about a year on Pre-k. How do I deal with this when I have explained to her that I do not want his education soley focused on the FCAT. We live in Florida and that’s a test that controls everthing being taught in the school system. It is all they teach by. The only thing that test does is grade the teachers on their performance in a classroom and help establish their pay rates. They don’t even teach handwriting or spelling. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    1. I had the same problem with some of my relatives for years when I began homeschooling my children (15 years ago). Really the main thing that has changed their minds is simply seeing, all these years later, how well my children are doing both academically and socially. They’ve also seen that my children haven’t been exposed to so many of the unhealthy things that kids sometimes get into during the high school years. I would suggest that you try to remain calm and positive even when they question and/or don’t support you. Reacting in a defensive way might make them feel like you aren’t confident that you are doing what’s best for your children. (Although it’s terribly hard not to react that way!!) Also, you might want to encourage them to look at some of the research that explains the advantages of homeschooling and backs it up with statistics. You can find some at HSLDA (www.hslda.org). I hope this helps! It can be so discouraging when we are doing what we really feel like is best for our children and our relatives don’t support us! I hope it gets better for you.

      1. Thank you for taking the time to reply to my dilemma. Before I came here to reply, I popped over to the website you suggested and it was really informative. I’m going to delve into it more tonight. Your advice is very helpful. My MIL works as a Para in the school system, so she’s a little biased. I truly hope that by watching our kids grow and learn as the years go by, she will come to understand the reasons we chose to homeschool in the first place. You are right when you say that it is very hard not to react in a certain way and end up doubting myself, in the end. I will take the high road. Once again, thank you for your advice!!

        1. You are welcome, Michelle! My grandmother and mother were both school teachers, and I did understand why they felt strongly that it was best for my children to go to school somewhere else instead of homeschooling. I am happy to say, though, that not long ago my mother admitted that she is now glad I chose to homeschool. Looking back, she sees the advantages of homeschooling and sees how well-adjusted my kids are and how much they’ve learned. It was hard for her to admit it, but it made me feel great to know that she finally agrees with me about homeschooling! After all those years, it’s so good to have her support. I hope the same thing happens for you, but hopefully you won’t have to wait 15 years! 😉

  6. My problem is a bit different but related…maybe? LOL
    My husband WANTS me to home school, and took a 2nd job so I could quit teaching in order to be home with our own children. This made the financial transition a little smoother. He now works one full time job and goes to school full time to finish his computer science degree (so he is a ver busy man). My issues are the following:
    He leaves all schooling up to me and I am ok with that for the most part. However, when I ask him to look at our children’s work, he is too busy or doesn’t make the effort to. It as if he could care less and now this has crossed over to our children and reflects in their attitude toward completing work. I have voiced my frustrations to him and his reply was “I’m setting an example by faithfully working hard on my own school work.” Furthermore, due to his veiws, he consistently asks me to take care of things and wants them done right away. This forces me to put school of until another time, …frequently. It’s like he doesn’t get it? I am happy to take care of the household business (don’t misunderstand this) and I realize he is very busy BUT how can I lovingly communicate that his intrest and preservation in school time is precious? Forgive any typos as I am on my phone. Thanks for any advice in advance too!

    1. While this isn’t related to the home schooling – what it does relate to is the Husband one. Honestly – mine is the same way. And I just thought it was his issue until I read it in your aspect.

      He’s taken on working 6 days a week plus business trips. I’m happy to be home with the kids, but what I realize now is that I miss his interaction. I’m used to him being more involved, doing certain things, giving his input. He’s just blitzed and its hard not to take exhaustion as indifference. My consideration in involving him is only seen as hesitation or yet another thing for him to “do”. His day is so packed its busy-busy-busy…he just wants the tasks done quickly so he can enjoy some time to sit down or relax.

      So don’t take it personally. Take this opportunity however and own it. I’m not certain if you stopped working recently to stay home full-time. Regardless, that is a big transition alone. Get out of the house – its so easy as a SAHM to get overwhelmed where things just don’t get done. When your in the boiling pot all day its easy to miss things, think they really aren’t that messy, or get caught up household tensions. Then BOOM the kitchen looks like it exploded and tasks continue to build. Buy paper plates and cups if dishes are impossible. I’d rather have a extra bag of garbage then more stress. Find the things that take up your time and get those solutions that will work. I know a Mom that hired a woman to help clean every payday. This way every two weeks she felt caught up on things. Then when its all done, and the Hubs can come home to collect his thoughts – schedule in weekly sessions if you need to for him to “evaluate” all that great things that week. Find what works. You have a valid point that he needs to show interest in some format. Adjust your schedule accordingly and stop doubting yourself. Not that it started that way or that you mean for it to be seen that way. But our consideration and patience or waiting for joint discussion – isn’t working.

      You know traditionally, just working 40 hours people spend more time w/co-workers then they do family. We’re essentially running a household as a single parent. Except for 3 hours a day we get a team member coming in expecting the moon on a whole different playing field. That is why for me at least, its easier when he does leave for a business trip. I can get more stuff done! Not because I couldn’t have before – I just didn’t have someone else disrupting exact moment our schedule would naturally shift.

      Sorry to write a book. Good luck in finding the answers you need. And thank you in part for making me realize what I didn’t see either.

    2. Debbie, I’m sorry I didn’t see your comment/question until today! I think you did the right thing by talking to your husband about the need for him to show interest in your children’s homeschool work. If he doesn’t see the need to be more involved, then you can’t force him to do it. You can, though, take every opportunity to point out to your children their dad’s example. Instead of allowing the kids to see or hear your frustration, it’s up to you to take opportunities to say, “Your dad worked really hard on his paper/test/etc.! If he can work 2 jobs and go to school and make good grades, let’s show him that you can work just as hard and make good grades like he does.” Those kinds of comments will encourage your children and hopefully motivate them to do well. Also, you could encourage your children to show their work to their dad. If they do a great job on something, remind them to show their work to their dad when he’s home. Hopefully those suggestions will help some, and they might even cause your husband to see that the children want his input and encouragement.

  7. This is great! Thank you! My husband is very much against homeschooling our children. I am currently pregnant and we have a 3 year old, a 6 year old, and a 9 year old. Our 9 year old is from my husbands previous relationship. My 6 year old is in Kinder at a great public school in a prestigious part of town. However, everyday she asks to be homeschooled. She loves her friends and her teachers, she is also on level. She struggles a little bit with reading, but is on level with her grade. Her biggest complaint is that it is too long. She doesn’t want to spend 7 hours at school, just to come home and do more schoolwork until bedtime. I 100% agree with her. I know she has the capabilities to be great. She loves dancing, music, and art, and I wish I could work with her more. I want to homeschool her, but because her and my stepson go to the same school, my husband does not want me pulling our daughter out of school. He will not discuss it and blows me off. My stepson is with us half the time, and with his grandparents the other half. His mother is only involved occasionally so there is no way they would agree to me homeschooling, especially since we have joint custody. I am torn. I understand my husbands objection, but I also recognize my daughters concerns and needs. I stay at home and work from home as a writer and blogger so I am at home all day anyway. Any suggestions on what to do in this situation?

    1. This article was written with moms like you in mind. 🙂 Take a look at the “do’s” and “don’ts” listed in the article. There is no guarantee that your husband will come around to your way of thinking or decide that he wants you to homeschool the children, but it is a possibility. If he doesn’t decide to support your desire to homeschool, then it’s my honest opinion that you shouldn’t do it. Homeschooling is rewarding, but it is also very challenging. Without his support, I don’t think it’s a good idea at all. Also, be sure to look at the resources listed. Maybe your husband will agree to at least read some of the suggested resources. Other than that, you simply have to pray that God will change your husband’s heart if it’s His will that you homeschool your children.

    2. Wow I can see where you’re coming from. My daughter is the same way. She asks to be homeschooled everyday! It breaks my heart! She also loves her friends at school, but she says that I am more important than her friends and that she’d rather be with me. She complains that her school days are too long, and I agree. There are so many advantages to homeschooling. A lot of people don’t understand that. And I am also home all day, so I feel like part of me is taken when she’s at school. By the way how did you get that job as a blog writer at home? I am interested.

      1. I’ve heard from other moms who say the same thing–that their children ask to be homeschooled. Homeschooling is becoming more and more accepted and common, and I think that’s wonderful! In another generation or two, I believe people will see for themselves that homeschooling is a great educational option and that there won’t be so many stereotypes and inaccurate beliefs about it. But unfortunately, that doesn’t help moms and kids who want to homeschool now but who don’t have the husband/dad’s support. Maybe some information in this article will help you: https://hiphomeschoolmoms.com/2014/05/begin-homeschooling-series/. Thanks for your comment! And as far as how we get jobs as bloggers, the answer is different for each of us. Most of us started out with a small blog that we kept up just for fun. As it became more popular, we began doing more writing and sometimes including advertising, etc. It takes a lot of time and patience to build up a blog, but it’s wonderfully rewarding being able to share homeschool-related information and encouragement with other moms!

  8. Thank you for your article. We have three children, 9, 5, and 2. The two-year old is still with me; the five-year old is doing her Grade R (we’re in South Africa; I think Grade R is similar to your Kindergarten) at an informal playschool, and my eldest is in a public school. I have been toying with the idea of homeschooling since my eldest was a baby (in other words, for nine years now). I am also a work-at-home mom and have found it quite a juggle especially while I had a baby in the house. But my youngest is turning three in a few weeks, and we are not planning any more. So we really seem to be moving more and more towards a situation where it would be totally doable for me to homeschool.

    Besides, my nine-year old has been begging to be homeschooled for over a year. She does not really enjoy school and is a very sensitive child. My hubby has never been very much in favour of homeschooling, but I am really starting to feel an urgency about it.

    When I read your article, I actually cried – as the approach you suggest, is exactly what I have decided to follow. Firstly I am praying that if it is the Father’s will, that He will bring my hubby and me onto the same page about it. Secondly, I raised the topic a few weeks ago, briefly explaining why I think it would work and why I believe it would be a great choice for our family. My hubby did not respond in a negative way (praise the Father!) but he did seem a little uncertain and voiced a specific concern. I told him what I knew regarding that concern, but also said that I would do my research about everything, find out exactly how we could make it work, and get back to him. And I encouraged him to think about it in the meantime. So now I am in the active research phase. It is an exciting time but also quite challenging…and the biggest challenge, I find, is to continue having faith that if it is the Father’s will, that He will ensure that my hubby ends up supporting the idea fully.

    1. Ena, I think you’re doing exactly the right thing! And I know that God will honor your prayers by either changing your husband’s heart toward homeschooling or helping you and your 9-year-old to be content with public school. I know it must be difficult to pray and allow God to choose the outcome (because don’t we usually think we need to help God out and make our own decisions?), but I also know that God’s will is always the best. I have to remind myself of that fact very often! Blessings to you!

      1. Wendy… It is seven years later, and I just had to come back on here to let you know that in August last year, my husband and I finally made the decision, together, that I would start to homeschool our youngest two. So we started in the beginning of this year. (Our academic year in South Africa runs from the middle of January roughly to the end of November.) My eldest, the one who used to beg us to homeschool, is now in grade 10 (which I think is similar to your 10th grade) and is actually enjoying school.

        You were so right… God’s will is always the best. I believe we did what we did, at the right time. It took many years of prayer, of research, of lying awake at night… but those years were not wasted. I have witnessed some amazing growth in each member of our family and especially in myself! My youngest two are now 12 and 9 years old respectively and thoroughly enjoying the homeschooling. I also stand amazed at how God opened the doors for us to start right at the beginning of this year, when only HE knew that three months later, schools would be closed and children forced to learn at home due to the COVID-19 crisis. My eldest is doing really well with lots of online input from her school. But I am so very very grateful that with the other two, I can simply continue doing mostly what we’ve been doing anyway.

        Thank you, again, for the encouragement you gave me back then. I just had to let you know that it did, eventually, pay off!!

        1. Oh I’m so glad you took the time to come back and leave a comment to let me know what happened! This is exactly why we do what we do! I’m so happy that your homeschool is going well, too. Isn’t it wonderful when we see years of prayer and patience pay off? And I do hope you’ll continue to come to the site for encouragement and information. (We also have lots of printables on our sister site, Only Passionate Curiosity. And you can get all of our printables here on HHM and on OPC for free during this time using the discount code “coronahelp.”) I pray that God will continue to bless your family and your homeschool! https://onlypassionatecuriosity.com/

  9. This is a great article. I have been awake most of the night wondering what to do with my daughter’s schooling. She will start school on Monday, we just moved a few days ago to a new town and the registration process has been so extremely difficult. I’ve always wanted to homeschool our kids (6,4,2 yrs old) but my husband worries that I won’t be able to handle all the stress. (Although I feel so stressed sending my little girl to school every day.) It also means I have less energy to focus on him when he is home. One of my happiest years was when I had 3 littles at home and home schooled my daughter for pre-k (in a 1 bedroom apartment!). I will keep praying. We are in a more spacious living situation now so I think my stress levels will lower and perhaps my husband will see that I can handle homeschooling my daughter.

    1. Hi Kiasa! One thing you might want to try to do (which you may already be doing) is try to somehow work it out so that you aren’t stressed and running yourself ragged when your husband gets home from work. If you can show him that you have things under control, that may make him much more likely to see that you will be able to handle homeschooling. Also, it’s probably a good idea to try to set aside some time to spend with him in the evenings–even if it’s after the kids go to bed. My hubby, like yours, enjoys spending some kid-free time with me in the evenings. It’s really a compliment because there are many husbands who don’t want to spend time with their wives. Because your husband does want to spend time with you, he may be afraid that if you homeschool you won’t have any time left for him. I do hope it works out so that you can homeschool!

  10. I’ve been schooling my daughter for 3 years and my wife is dead against it. This sucks so bad. Wish she would help or even take over but I sacrifice and do it. She doesn’t have a job and I work from home. I also cook too. Anyway I am bummed. I wish God would change her heart but so far she is not there.

  11. Last year I homeschooled my kids. The first year is always difficult, I was told. At first it was going great. It was kind of a trial and error kind of thing until I found the best learning system for my kids. The problem was my husband never approved and made my life miserable. He used to come and asked the kids a lot of questions and if they didn’t know the answers he would make a fight out of it. I got so anxious to the point I got an anxiety disorder. Now, even thou, the kids wanted to keep homeschooling he sent them to school with the excused that I was not capable of teaching them. I definitely think that you need to have your partners approval to homeschool so it can be an easier process. I still think is the best thing for the kids. Praying so that my husband can see it that way too..

    1. I’m so sorry about that!! I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you! But I agree that praying for your husband is the best way to handle it. God is the only one who can change a person’s heart. Thank you for your comment.

  12. This post was a good read. My husband was home schooled all the way through high school and I was in public school until my last two years in high school. Ironically, I am the one who desperately wants to home school and my husband is the one leaning in the other direction. I am working two nights a week as a nurse and teaching my kids (5, 3, 18 mo, and expecting a 4th in November 2015) at home Monday through Thursday. I just started officially home schooling a month ago. My deal is, I cannot get a handle on where my husband stands on the issue. Every time my husband gets angry with me (usually because of my crummy house keeping skills) he tells me I shouldn’t home school, I am just using it as an excuse not to get any work done around the house, and he has been against the idea from the start. The problem I run into is when he is calm and “rational” we seem to have really good discussions on how well the kids are responding to home schooling and he even gives me tips and advise on how to deal with people outside the home and places I can go to find support in this endeavor. The other day, he even commented on how my son would not be able to intersperse running around during reading and spelling time in public school. I am praying that he will be 100% behind me. It is the only place I know to turn. I don’t know what else to do. I keep asking that if it is not God’s will for me to not home school that he will take the desire out of my heart, but that desire keeps getting stronger and stronger. Every time I ask God to take that desire away I get hit with scripture in my quiet time to keep praying and don’t give up; don’t doubt God and keep going. So that is what I will do. I will keep praying .

    1. Katherine, my husband also doesn’t like to come home to a messy house, so one thing I’ve done is start having a half hour or so of “home economics” class each evening before time for him to come home from work. Just a half hour (often less than that) is enough time to get things generally straightened up and presentable, and my husband very much appreciates the effort! On those evenings when he comes home to total chaos, he’s much more understanding because he knows we try really hard to make things nice and neat before he gets home. If that is your husband’s main concern, maybe something like that would help him be happier about it. Maybe at a time when he’s not stressed you could have a short, calm discussion with him asking for specific concerns. And he might even be willing to help you come up with suggestions/corrections if he knows you truly want his input and that you’re willing to try to consider his wishes and concerns. 🙂 In the mean time, perhaps you can be praying for God to give both of you a heart for homeschooling if that’s His will for your family. Thank you for your comment!

  13. This post really encouraged me to keep having hope that God will change my husband’s heart so we can homeschool our 5 year old. Every day she asks me to homeschool her. It’s so sad when I can’t do that because I don’t have my husband’s support because he says that she needs to be socialized. Also I prayed about it a lot before school started and nothing happened so I told my pastor and he told me that maybe it’s not God’s will for her to be homeschooled because if she’s homeschooled how will she bring others to Christ? What do you think about that? I am still praying and telling God that if it’s not your will to take away that desire from my heart and my daughter’s heart, but it doesn’t go away. I feel sad …

    1. I know it’s so hard for you and your daughter to want to homeschool and not to be able to! Without your husband’s support, though, it’s definitely not a good idea. I think you are doing the right thing to continue praying about it and asking God to either change your husband’s heart or to help your daughter and you to be content with the situation as it is now. God doesn’t always answer us right away. It often takes time for a person’s heart to change, so be patient! I understand what your pastor means about having her in school so she can bring others to Christ. I agree that all Christians should witness to others and be a Christian example for them. However, I do not agree that we should put our children in public schools for the benefit of others. We can witness and reach out to others in many ways other than by sending our children to school. And it seems to me that reaching out to others would be much safer and more effective if we did it as a family. And I believe that God gave each of us our children so that we can do what’s best for our own children. Of course we should care about other children, but first we must each decide what’s best for our own children.

  14. My situation may be unique. I homeschooled my children prior to my husband and I getting married. He does not like it or support me, but he knew this was my life when we met. I don’t believe it’s right for him to demand I stop. I’m looking for opinions.

    1. Wow! That’s a hard one. I tend to agree that, since you already homeschooled your children before the two of you married, it’s ok for you to continue. Ideally, it’s something you would have talked about and agreed on (or agreed to disagree) before the marriage. Is he asking you to stop homeschooling?

  15. Hi Precious ladies! Thanks very much for your desire to be with your children and to homeschool. You are doing the right thing by just praying and having faith. I was in the same situation just a few years ago because my oldest did not meet the state’s age cutoff for public school. Our option was to either put our firstborn in private school or homeschool. My husband and I disagreed but the Lord showed us we needed to have faith and pray. Through prayer, we happened to visit a local private school where we received a detailed tour of the school and daily program and besides time to eat and play at school, we calculated that our child would have about 20 minutes at best with the teacher daily. This gave us much confidence that we could homeschool and it has been wonderful! The Lord cares for you and those children very much and it will be His pleasure to help you make a godly decision :)!

  16. “Don’t allow a bitter attitude to grow in your heart if he doesn’t change his mind. Homeschooling your children is a wonderful endeavor and one that I strongly believe in. It is not, however, worth causing problems in your marriage! You will “keep” your husband even after your children are grown and gone.”

    I’d love to share this article with my readers…

    1. Hi Bekki! I’m happy for you to share the article with your readers! I just ask that you please share the link to the entire article and not reprint/repost the actual article on your site. 🙂 It’s fine if you want to post a sentence or two as a teaser and then post the link to the article on HHM.

  17. Thank you for writing this post! My husband isn’t necessarily against homeschooling. But he wants to wait a few more months and I would love to start homeschooling sooner rather than later.Although I have all my ducks in a row: curriculum ready, school calendar, daily schedule, etc. This post really convicted me to slow down and pray more and let God to his thing.

  18. Homeschool Dad here. I was fortunate enough to learn while dating that my wife had been homeschooled, as I was, so we planned to homeschool before we were ever married 🙂 She was a high school math teacher, teaching in public school had only reinforced her desire to homeschool her own children. The encouragement you share in this article is very useful for those husbands that are on the fence or even a ways from the fence.

  19. Thank you for this, though it has me in tears. Like another commenter, my husband often comments that I can’t homeschool when I can’t even keep the house clean (Another frustration, our house is always dusted and mopped but if a toy is on the floor then the house is “trashed”) but when he’s in a good mood he is supportive. We are closer to me being able to homeschool (paying off some debt) and now he’s decided that family vacations are more important than homeschooling and he would prefer to put them in private school (despite that being over half of my paycheck).

    You’ve really struck my heart with the not -being – bitter part. I’m extremely bitter. Not only would they be in school all day but they’d need after school care until we got off work (6pm plus a 45 minute commute home), there wouldn’t even be time for homework because it would be dinner and bed.

    1. I’m so sorry! I can’t imagine how hard that situation must be for you! I do wish there was a way I can tell you it will work out, but unfortunately, we both know it may not be possible for you to homeschool. Would it be possible for you and your husband to see a counselor who is supportive of homeschooling? Even that might not make your situation change, but I feel like it’s worth a try.

  20. Hi Wendy. This is a wonderful and informative post and I’m going to save it to send to people who are looking to homeschool.

    One slight thing I would check on is your link to HSDLA. I personally live in a state where they don’t have a practicing lawyer, they changed the laws in my state (AL) in 2014 to clarify the laws and make it easier to homeschool.

    HSDLA is still giving people the old information which is very confusing. They’ve been notified by many people but still haven’t changed their website. I don’t know if there’s other misinformation on their site so I would be leery of sending people there. I’m sure you didn’t know that and it was unintentional.

    Please pray about it.

    Blessings to you and have a great day!

    1. Thank you for your comment! I am going to contact HSLDA and talk to them about their information related to homeschooling in Alabama. Thankfully, I have never heard anything negative about HSLDA as related to any other state. Blessings to you too! 🙂

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