His Ways Are Not My Ways: Trusting God
Even if we don’t understand how or why, God’s ways are better than our ways. But it’s not always easy to acknowledge that fact and live in peace with it. Trusting God is not always easy.
I was the girl who started babysitting at age 12. The one who often slipped out of worship to go “help” in the church nursery. When my first grade teacher asked each student what they wanted to be when they grew up, my sweet little friends paused a few moments and then replied,
“A nurse!”
“A teacher!”
“A stewardess!”
But I emphatically stated, “A mommy!”
I always believed I would marry young, have a houseful of children, and spend my blissful middle-aged years with grandchildren climbing all over me.
And then I grew up and had to face reality.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways . . .
I was nearly 34 when I married. After several years of infertility, at 37 I was completely blessed to become a mother through a miraculous adoption. But I was given only one child.
Can I just be honest and say it out loud right now — it took me years to be content with that. Even now, I sometimes struggle not understanding why His ways could not be mine – aligned with the houseful of children I envisioned. Really. It has frustrated me over and over again.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways . . .
Read that portion of Scripture again. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways. There is a vast difference between His ways and ours. An unfathomable difference.
Much of my discontent and frustration came not from what God did or didn’t do. It came from my expectation that He would give me what I desired. It’s easy to lose your focus when you are looking for what you expected instead of at what you have been given.
They say hindsight is 20/20. I am certain that is true. I can look at my life today, and for various reasons understand how God’s plan is unfolding for my family. But more importantly, I can look to the future with the secure knowledge that His ways are not my ways and praise Him for that.
I could have written so many of those words although I was married just before turning 21. I had a miscarriage at 22 and a few years later was told I would not be able to conceive without IVF due to stage IV endometriosis. What? I wanted to be mama of many!! A few years after that we decided to become foster parents and were blessed with a very special son who was very medically fragile. Ironically (or not) I had taken care of an infant doing respite that had the same syndrome a couple of years before and both hubby and I worked with children and adults with special needs. God was preparing us to care for a very special person. Nine months after he came to live with us I discovered I was pregnant. After the shock wore off I had the worry if I would miscarry…but I didn’t and we were blessed with Zoe. Both absolute miracles in so many ways. Still, in the last 12 years I always hoped for more but now realize I was given more than I could have ever dreamed of having!
Oh Marcy. When I read “Even now, I sometimes struggle not understanding why His ways could not be mine – aligned with the houseful of children I envisioned. ” I can’t imagine…but it helps me to remember to be thankful for my three. (((HUGS)))