Mom Real Life

The Mommy Wars – Moms Shooting from the Hip

It’s starting to look like a war zone out here. Seriously, if you spend any time in any environment where a diverse group of moms hang out, you will see what I’m talking about…

The Mommy Wars. Moms Shooting from the Hip. And they are shooting AT EACH OTHER!

the mommy wars d

What is going on?

You can pick practically any parenting topic and you’ll likely find a battle raging somewhere about that topic.

And for us homeschoolers, we get to add in a new battlefield to the ongoing war.

  • Homeschool versus Public School at home
  • Faith Based curriculum versus Secular
  • Packaged curriculum versus picking subjects a la carte
  • Text book based delivery versus Digital delivery
  • And on, and on, and on…

Even though we have new things to battle over, the war is still the same.

Moms shooting from the Hip.

Recklessly.

Forgetting…

words. have. consequences.

Mom Bombs 

Speaking before they think.

Or, using the anonymity of being cloaked behind the screen to drop Mom Bombs.

Before they ever even consider what the other person is going through.

Or has been through.

What details they are not privy to.

What a mom’s path, her trials and obstacles, looks like. Because every bit of that is what leads each of us to our own unique, individual decisions.

Do they fully understand what they are doing? I pray they don’t!

The carnage left behind by mom bombs can be devastating… especially to a mom who may be in a fragile state already.

 

Are we THAT starved for attention?

Maybe we are just THAT Insecure.

I think many of us, although we are strong women who are not afraid to swim upstream, are still insecure, especially when it comes to our families and our homeschools.

Maybe because they are literally linked to our identity.

And, I think if we are honest, it is a relief to see others choosing to do things our way. It is a form of validation that we are doing “it” right.

Finding another mom doing it the same way we are can make us instantly feel a kinship.

A connection.

A bond.

And if they are not doing it our way, apparently it can also make us feel the opposite.

We have stumbled upon the enemy.

But why does it have to be that way?

words have consequences

The “Right Choice” is Different for Each Family

Have you ever gotten really upset because you thought your way was the right way (and gasp… possibly even the only right way) to do something?

Did you feel superior?

Chances are  you didn’t feel all high and mighty, superior to the rest of us mere mortals, you probably just felt that you were right (and we were wrong).

But I have a thought …

What if we were right too?

Have you ever considered that the “right decision” is different for other families?

Different situations and circumstances may not have the same solution. So it is very possible that there are many “right answers” for most parenting decisions.

There is a Time and Place for the Warrior Mom

There is nothing wrong with being the warrior mom–when appropriate. The mom that goes into full-out battle mode when it comes to protecting your family and your children.

As a matter of fact, I think it is natural.

Even expected.

But if my decisions do not impact or affect your family, why should you go into warrior mom mode?

We have to start understanding boundaries.

Understanding we are impacting other moms negatively.

Why?

Have we forgotten we share the ultimate kinship?

Just being Mom.

Knowing the struggles and challenges intimately that each other face.

Mom Balm

What if?

… you knew the mom you are chatting with on Facebook just lost her sister, would you speak more kindly to her? Would you spend a few more seconds thinking through how to support her?

… you knew she just found out her spouse had been unfaithful? Would you take the time to choose your words more carefully?

… she is a neighbor trying to figure out how to homeschool a difficult child? The very child you were watching from your window earlier today?

… you knew she was simply struggling?

Exactly what circumstances does a person have to go through to illicit a kind and gentle response from us?

What if that person struggling just happened to be you?

What do you have to go through to get me to be gentle with my words?

You have a choice. Your words and your responses are both fully within your control.

I have the same choices.

We must realize the words we choose actually define our identity to the rest of the world.

They define our relationships.

Our life.

So, which will you choose?

Mom Bomb or Mom Balm?

About the author

Trish

Trish is one of the owners of Hip Homeschool Moms. She has been married to her best friend, David, for 22 years and they have three sons (ages 19, 17 and 15). Trish is from the coast of North Carolina, but they now live in rural West Tennessee on a 40+ acre farm. She has been homeschooling since 2009 and her homeschool style leans towards a Montessori approach with a heavy emphasis on hands-on learning. Trish’s family is Messianic and they love studying the Scriptures, learning Hebrew and growing in their faith and walk daily. In her spare time, Trish loves to travel, write, work in their garden and can regularly be found trying to learn something new, modeling that learning is indeed a life-long endeavor!

15 Comments

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  • I love the pictures. Mommy bomb! I’m engaged. Pictures stole it. I’m Janice, your Inspire Me Monday Linky Party hostess. Thank you for linking up with us, and the great post.
    Janice

  • Oh my goodness, yes! I have been so frustrated for quite some time over why homeschool moms, in particular, are seemingly always going for the jugular. This happens online, but it also happens locally in “support” groups, co-ops, etc. Frankly, who cares if anyone thinks they have the best opinion out there, or that someone doesn’t agree with someone else’s choices. Everyone should choose what’s best for THEIR family and leave everyone else’s family alone.

    People want to find support and to bounce ideas off each other, not get bullied and badgered. Isn’t that why some homeschool families brought their kids home…to avoid bullying in school? Some of us seem to only have made a trade off. Now instead of our child getting bullied, we moms get bullied instead. Ouch! Thank you so much for calling out the huge elephant in the room. Let’s all decide to just get along.

    (Sorry for the rant. I’m better now…lol!)

  • Thank you for writing this. It is important for all moms to be reminded that we are all FOR our kids and should be FOR each other.

  • This is why I love the HHM Facebook Community. The admins do a wonderful job cultivating an uplifting and supportive environment making it easier to remember to offer each other grace. Everything in this article is spot on. I think we all need to take this advice, reflect on our initial responses and apply it in all areas of life where we are among other moms. Let’s Challenge each other to validate moms with opposing or simply different views. Let’s make a point to say, “it’s ok that I don’t think your way of doing it is right for us, but I think you are doing a wonderful job doing what you need to do for your family and I’m rooting for you to succeed in motherhood.” I think we could all use that kind of motivation and appreciation. Motherhood is hard enough. ?

    • Thank you so much for your encouraging and sweet comment!! It’s fine to disagree, but it would be wonderful if we could disagree without tearing each other down. That is exactly what we want for our Facebook group! But even more than that, we want moms to encourage and support each other and to share ideas and information with each other. We are thankful for moms like you who help us do that!

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