When Homeschooling Dreams Meet Reality
When our son Conner was two years old, we decided to homeschool our children. We had some friends who homeschooled, and we loved the idea. We had never heard of homeschooling before meeting them. It was a totally new concept to us. I started researching and planning for the future as a homeschool mom.
Fast forward two years. Conner was four and would turn five in November. I started school at four and thought he would be fine. I learned the very first day of kindergarten that he wasn’t really ready. I pushed forward for a few months and finally stopped in January. I felt like a failure until I learned that most boys aren’t ready for learning until the age of 6 or even older.
The next year we started again–this time armed with lots of advice and a new homeschooling group. I am thankful for the homeschool moms who paved the way ahead of me and listened to many teary conversations in my early years of homeschooling. I was a mess at times; I felt like a failure. Friends and family thought that maybe I was the cause of Conner’s struggles and I wasn’t teaching him correctly.
Our son was articulate, imaginative and curious. We never saw the diagnosis of severe learning disabilities coming our way. When we finally learned that it wasn’t our fault, it was a relief yet a huge burden. What would happen? How could we best teach him? What would his future be like? A diagnosis often brings you to a point of crisis. In a way, it is the death of an “ideal” or dream standard we have for our child and time to face reality. It can be saddening at first, hard to get past or make sense of. I spent many teary nights crying worrying about Conner’s future.
I picked myself up off the floor, set my mind to the task at hand, and became a research machine. I talked with other moms, prayed, gave it to God, read articles, searched forums, and discovered Conner’s learning abilities and strengths. I took the “standards” out of homeschooling and formulated a new plan. Guess what? School became fun for everyone.
By this time, our daughter Elizabeth was five and starting school. This is when I learned that I wasn’t a failure and that I was teaching correctly. She started catching up to her brother, and then another challenge arose. She started passing him. I never said a word and didn’t acknowledge that it was happening. Conner went through a period of his own grief when he realized this was happening. He never knew anything was different until then. Lots of love, prayer, and focusing on their individual strengths helped us through.
Here we are ten years later. I always tell people that homeschooling is like being on a fast-moving train. Once you get on, you just hang on and enjoy the ride. You don’t jump off, and you just keep going until your reach your destination. Sometimes the destination may look different from the dream trip you planned. It doesn’t mean the trip won’t be great, that you won’t enjoy it, or that it won’t be fun. Be flexible, look for the good, and enjoy the journey. It goes all too fast, and soon you will be four years from graduation and wondering where the time went. We have overcome learning disabilities, the serious illness of my husband, and the naysayers. I am happy to report that Conner is right where he needs to be, and that he is headed toward a bright future.
My advice to you is hang in there, be encouraged, and don’t waste away the years fretting or worrying. Time goes fast, and you will overcome!
Julie
Julie is the mom of two great kids and the wife to one very patient husband. A modern day Pollyana with a knack for finding zany adventures. Jesus is the center of her life and she strives to give him all the glory with everything she does. She rambles on about life on her blog Just Jules
Thank you! It’s like you wrote this post just for me! We are in our third year homeschooling and I worry, worry, worry about my son’s future. The other night, I had a dream where it was time for college and I was panicking because he “wasn’t prepared.” I’m trying (so very hard) to let go of the “standards” and just have fun! (but it’s not as easy as it sounds)
Thanks again!
It’s not easy at all. This process took years for me. It does happen though. Hang in there!
Hi, Julie;
I wanted to thank you for being so candid with your fears of failure in regard to homeschooling. I’m about to embark on the homeschooling journey myself, and I have a few of those fears myself; because I have a traumatic brain injury. I’ve done lots of research, though, and have found a program that fits my daughter’s needs/abilities…and my own. We’ll be on the road for a year, and so homeschooling is necessary in our case. Your post made me feel better about branching out to something new (albeit, still a bit scary!) Blessings to you and your family.
~Kimberly
Hi Kimberly,
I was recently diagnosed with TBI and finding a curriculum for my kids and with my abilities seems to be a struggle for me. What curriculum are you using for your daughter? It may help me. Thanks in advance.
Erica
Hi, Erica;
I’ve chosen the Time4Learning program. Hope it works for you, too! If you get a chance, click on my name to check out our brain injury awareness tour. If we’re coming to your city, be sure to give us a shout so we can meet up! Either way, you can join our tour page, and other support page (you can find them from my site), and get advice/support/shoulders to cry on from the folks there.
Blessings,
~Kimberly
Blessings to you. I will be praying for you. You can do it, believe in yourself!
Thanks, Julie, for sharing your story.
We are much newer at homeschooling and it’s good to hear that it is not always perfect, because it is so easy to tell ourselves, “It’s hard because he should be in public school!”
Be blessed…
I am so glad it helped! These comments make my day.
I could definitely relate to this! We have a child with severe learning disabilities, and another child about to pass her academically. I’ve struggled with giving up my dreams for her, and am learning how to submit to God’s much-better plans for her. Thank you for your openness and encouragement through this!
Amy, I am so glad to encourage you. Its so hard to let go but once you do and let the Lord take over, its a amazing feeling!
Julie, this was a fantastic article! I loved your analogy about the fast-moving train. Your kids are so wonderfully smart and well-rounded — this is an amazing gift you have given them. Thank you for sharing with the rest of us!!
Thanks Andrea for the kind words. That means a lot to me that you said that.
Great post and a beautiful picture of the 2 of you =)
Thank you!
Wonderful post!
Thank you! The response has overwhelmed me. I set out in hopes to help just one person with our story. So the fact it reached many is mind blowing.
Julie –
Thank you so much for this post! We have been homeschooling our son for 3+ years after bringing him home from his private school. It has been fun, challenging and rewarding. At 13 he just made me breakfast and we’re ready to crack the books! What a keeper I have. Oh…he does have severe Dyslexia and we have great support for him in that area.
Laura