|

The Trap of the Homeschooling “Identity”

Homeschooling Identity Trap

We’re all proud to be homeschoolers – as we should be. In fact, most of us probably agree that homeschooling is the ideal method for teaching our children. But on occasion, it seems that some of us fall into assuming a homeschooling “identity” that, if left unchecked, can take over our lives.

The identity I’m referring to is the unreasonable lifestyle we may believe to be part of the homeschooling experience. If you could picture an ideal homeschooling day, what would it look like? Are you imagining a morning when all of your day’s lessons are meticulously and promptly prepared? Would that day include all kinds of educational activities, such as seatwork, manipulatives, craft projects, outdoor play, and a field trip? Do you dream of smiling children sitting around the dinner table excited to start their schooling day?

While this prospect may sound wonderful, it is also extremely unreasonable. In over five years of homeschooling, I have yet to experience this day for myself. However, I have attempted to create it more times than I can count just so I could feel like a “real homeschooling mom.” Yes, I have fallen into the trap of the “homeschooling identity” myself over and over again.

Some of us may think, “There’s nothing wrong with trying to create that kind of school day. We should try to develop the best lesson plan or learning environment for our children.” This is absolutely 100% correct. The danger lies in why we’re putting in this kind of effort. If the motivation for this is to pass some kind of homeschool hazing ritual so that we can feel like we’re doing “real” homeschooling, then we’re in trouble.

The truth is: There is no such thing as “real” homeschooling. There is only learning – in whatever method or on whatever schedule works best for your family. A homeschooling day for one family may include scheduled lessons, quizzes, and reports. Another family may spend their homeschooling day reading books on the floor, watching educational movies, and exploring the outdoors. Many of us spend our days doing a mixture of the two. Yet, we’re all “real” homeschoolers.

The beauty of homeschooling is there is no one identity that we must live up to. We all use different methods, come from different backgrounds, and care for different children. As I’ve gotten more comfortable with our particular homeschooling journey, I feel less pressure to fit into a die-cut homeschooling standard and more confident about our family’s unique path to learning.  And that’s as close to assuming a homeschooling identity as I’d like to get.

 

Selena - head shot

Selena Robinson is the creator of Look! We’re Learning! and the founder of the Colorful Bloggers Network. She and her husband Jay are homeschooling their four children using an eclectic approach. Selena blogs about her family’s adventures at Look! We’re Learning! every weekday and posts on the Colorful Bloggers Network once a week. Readers can keep up with Look! We’re Learning! by email subscription or on PinterestFacebookGoogle Plus, and Twitter. The Colorful Bloggers Network shares posts via email subscription, TwitterFacebook, and Pinterest.

Similar Posts

13 Comments

  1. The truth is homeschooling really replicates the rythm of the teacher. I’m an order freak who is on a tight deadline during the day to do schooling for my kids since I work outside the home as does my husband who flops his schedule to help me school. So my homeschool tends to be rather traditional and rigidly scheduled bound. Whereas other homeschooling parents have the flexibility to be more ‘go with the flow’ and that’s the beauty of homeschooling. However, I believe that as long as the child is getting instruction and learning is going on then school is happening. http://homeschoolandwork.blogspot.com

    1. Hi! Thanks for reading! I’m a recovering Type A myself, so I completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s taken years for me to relax, even a little, with homeschooling. Working outside the home and homeschooling, though, definitely requires a set schedule. Kudos to you and your husband for remaining committed to it!

  2. Thank you for posting this. My daughter is almost 4, and I’m trying to get her to be able to ready by 4. If I had been less busy with other things, I feel that she already could be reading. After several losses, and infertility, I have been so laid back about her. The fact that she is so ahead on so much of her development, and always has been, has also contributed to my being very laid back. She seems to learn so much on her own, and so much earlier than what I expect.

    Anyway, I say all of that to say that, as I gradually ease into homeschooling, (In my mind, we are working at Kindergarten level, and year round, as of last week,) I am hesitant to even call it that! So, far, it is more of just working towards certain goals, in any ways that happens to fit into our life. Right now, two of my main goals, consist of her learning to read, to recognize numbers, and to be able to count. She can count to 20, (almost,) perfectly, so I just get her to listen/ and count along with me, as I am gradually increasing the numbers. She loves to count things, so this is a definite next step for her.

    Your post reminded me that yes, we are homeschooling- even if a casual visitor to our home, would not see a traditional school setting, schedule, etc.!
    ~Linda

    1. Exactly. Traditional schooling methods are for traditional schools. As homeschoolers, we are often judged according to our ability to “keep up” with what public schools are teaching. But why? I’m not trying to educate several children at once. I’m just working with mine who I have the flexibility to teach whenever and wherever necessary. It’s just not the same at all, so there’s no need for us to compare.

      And don’t pressure yourself to get your daughter to a certain point. It sounds like she’s learning and progressing well already! 🙂

  3. Great points Selena! After over eight years of homeschooling I still struggle with this idea of the perfect day or a “good” year. I especially think about it on days when I struggle, although it’s gotten better over the years as I see the young men my boys are becoming. Not all learning is painless and not all days are happy. Don’t get me wrong, most of them should be! But I’ve done a lot of growing and learning on days when things just don’t turn out how I planned them (or wanted them to).

    1. You and me are >>>>>HERE<<<<<< on this. 🙂

      I'm still trying to become more reasonable with myself as well. On days when it feels like we haven't accomplished anything, I tell myself that I have 365 days to get done what teachers have to do in 180 and 18 years to cover what they do in 13. We have time to absorb the "not so happy" days.

  4. Excellent post. Our authority visit was on Thursday and I was, once again, worried that we hadn’t done enough. I produced an open day style session with an activity for the children and tons of stuff for the poor man to look through. I wrote a report for them both and made a small power point presentation of their photographic evidence. Once he was gone I realised that we do things in a semi-organised, relaxed, unorthodox way but they have learned masses this year. I think that easing up our expectations of ourselves is a magnificent idea.
    I also think that if we are too rigid in trying to have a perfect, proper home school day/year we will miss the magic of home schooling which is the freedom it brings. We have spent a week building a nature pond and painting garden furniture. Which I felt vaguely uneasy about until I saw your post. Thank you for being very sensible about this!

    1. That actually sounds like a wonderful week of learning, Gina! I’ve seen the suggestion that we should write down our educational accomplishments from time to time, just like teachers do. On the few occasions I’ve done it, I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how much we’ve actually learned. We’re doing a lot more than we think. 🙂

  5. Once again Selena you have hit the nail on the head. As a veteran homeschooler, I still find myself falling victim to this from time to time. It has been the source of much stress in my homeschooling path. But I have learned how to curb the stress by taking one very important step-stop comparing myself to what others are doing and stop comparing my children to each other and other homeschool children.

    1. Yes! When we stop doing that, our lives become so much more relaxed!

      It’s so easy to make comparisons, but the truth is, we don’t know everything that’s going on in that other situation either. Some of the homeschool moms I look up to do not have to work secularly, so of course they have time to make detailed lesson plans and activities. Thinking we should measure up to people who have different circumstances than us just sets us up for disappointment.

  6. “The danger lies in why we’re putting in this kind of effort. If the motivation for this is to pass some kind of homeschool hazing ritual so that we can feel like we’re doing “real” homeschooling, then we’re in trouble.”

    This is so true! It’s easy to get legalistic with ourselves, and, with others. :/ We just get legalistic differently.

    I’ve been thinking a lot about goals and ultimate goals this week. Thanks for this timely post!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *