Miscarriage and Mother’s Day
While Mother’s Day is a joyful day for many moms, it is not an easy day if you’ve had a miscarriage. And you probably have at least one family member or friend who has gone through the horrible experience of having a miscarriage. According to the Mayo Clinic, 10 to 20% of pregnancies (that moms are aware of) are miscarried. But what may come as a true surprise to many of us is that the number of miscarriages is probably even higher. Since it can happen so early in a pregnancy, the mom may not even realize that she was pregnant when the miscarriage occurs. So if 10 to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, that means that about 1 in 5 or 1 in 10 of your friends have gone through this.
Let’s talk about some ways you can make this Mother’s Day easier for anyone who has been through this.
Ask her, “How are you feeling?” and really listen.
It can be so tempting to rush in and give advice, especially because you want to help! But remember, we all heal and go through things in our own natural time periods. Let your friend or family member tell you how she is feeling. One may feel very sad. Another may be ready to “try again” to have a baby. One may even be angry that she had a miscarriage, trying to figure out why this has happened to her. One of the best gifts you can give your friend is to simply sit and just listen to her.
Find out how she feels about Mother’s Day.
Whether she has had children already or this would have been her very first child, losing a child to miscarriage is tremendously upsetting. Ask if she wants to celebrate Mother’s Day or just wants it to be a quiet day. Her family should respect her wishes.
Encourage her to take a day off social media.
Some who have had a miscarriage may find it hard to be on social media on Mother’s Day. If a woman was expecting her first child, then watching friends and family share photos of their celebrations may be extremely hard to see. If your friend is active on any of the social media channels such as Facebook or Instagram, encourage her to consider taking a day off from looking at them.
Do something to remember and honor her loss.
This does not have to be specifically on Mother’s Day. You might want to do it several days ahead of time, so it gives your friend that extra “boost” of support and love to get through that day. What’s the best thing to do? Something that your friend would appreciate. Perhaps she loves flowers. If so, bring her a bouquet of lovely blooms. You could also make a donation to a charity she cares about.
Help her do the tough stuff if needed.
Packing up the baby clothes and other items and putting them out of sight is so hard, and everyone’s situation is different. This may have been the third child she was expecting or her very first. If she prepared a nursery and is finding it hard to look at and put away baby things, then offer to make this less painful by helping her (or doing it for her). Just having a friend there with you while you do this can matter a lot.
Give her some TLC…
Even if she doesn’t realize she needs it. One thing about being a good friend is sometimes you can take a look in your friend’s eyes and just know that she needs a little rest or help, even if she hasn’t requested it. If you think she is overwhelmed, whether with homeschool, family obligations, or other things, as well as grieving the loss of her baby, try to step in with a bit of help. For example, one thing you could do would be to cook meals to put in her freezer that she can serve her family for dinner. We all know sometimes it is the strongest of our friends who doesn’t ask for help when she needs it!
Don’t be shy about recommending professional help.
Going through a miscarriage can be a very emotional time. Anyone would be sad about the loss of a child she was hoping for. But if your friend seems suicidal, depressed, her mood has changed, or she is not eating, sleeping, or caring for herself the way she usually does, it could be time to call in a professional to give her the help she truly needs and deserves. She can get a referral to a psychologist, social worker, or other mental health professional from her primary care physician, the person she sees for regular healthcare, or her GYN/OBGYN may have someone to recommend.
Realizing Mother’s Day can be so sad for our friends and family, we would love to try to help you cheer them up!
Mother’s Day Giveaway
We would love to make this day a blessing, so we joined 25 other bloggers to do just that… bless three women this Mother’s Day. We would love to be able to bless all of you with a mini spending spree to one of your favorite places…. but we had to limit it to three this time! So there will be THREE winners in this Mother’s Day giveaway – each winner will be able to choose a gift card to the place of her choice. The choices are –
- Etsy
- Stitch Fix
- Hobby Lobby
- Zulily
- Starbucks
The grand prize winner will receive a gift card for $300, and two runners-up will each receive a $100 gift card.
To enter, simply use the Rafflecopter form below. We realize it has quite a few entries, but each of these bloggers generously chipped in their own money to bring you this opportunity to be blessed, so we really do hope you will take the time to do all of the entries. And hey, the more you complete and receive entries, the better your odds are of winning!
Giveaway ends May 10th at 11:59pm EDT. The winner will have 48 hours to respond to email to claim prize. By entering this giveaway you will be added to the email lists of some of the participating bloggers (see the Terms & Conditions on the Rafflecopter form for the complete list).
It’s always nice to see loss moms remembered. Good ideas here. My last loss (that I know of) was several years ago, but I remember those Mother’s Days that were hard because someone was missing. I like to remember loss moms on Mother’s Day too. Thank you.
It’s a pain that those who have never gone through, can not comprehend. I had 3 miscarriages and my last one, was my youngest son’s twin. I think of him often, he was his identical twin. It is so very hard dealing with that one.
I have never been theough this but tried to do exactly these things for friends who have. However everyone likes to grieve and get support differently qnd it is important to keep that in mind.
My mom had two miscarriages before I was born and my sister in law had a miscarriage before my niece was born.
My wife had a double miscarriage this past fall and it has been extremely hard on both of us but more so her. I commend the strength of any women that has to go through something like this.
So very tragic. Especially for the Mother and even for the Dad as well. What can we as men say to comfort a woman who has had a miscarriage? Maybe it’s not the words we say but the loving support we give and allowing her to grieve.
Thank you for this wonderful piece. I have lost three babies out of my six, and many of these things helped me get through.
These are excellent and thoughtful ideas. I have experienced the pain of this loss. Having people who are supportive and understanding really helps.
Thank you for covering this difficult topic. For myself, I still want to be remembered as a mother, and there were good thoughts in the article.
I am a miscarriage sufferer and someone gave me great advice that I would like to share. They said if you could have any babysitter for your baby who would it be? They said, “Jesus of course, and he is watching your sweet baby until you can be reunited with him or her in Heaven.” What a wonderful thought. Immediately my suffering stopped and I was able to move to acceptance, that I will see my sweet baby one day.
thoughtful….and needful.
This is a much needed topic of conversation. I’m grateful that this is becoming a more seen issue.
I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks, 26 years ago. I still honor my little one every year in the month (Dec) he or she would have been born. We always set out a Christmas stocking. We also chose a boy name and a girl name as we just couldn’t leave our little love nameless. It has helped and brings comfort.
Wonderfully written, my heart breaks for those who have lost there children. I think the rush to advise is the hardest but wisest advice. You want to help, and you mouth and mind go faster then your heart. Your words are meant to encourage and love on them, but it only hurts them more, we don know there heart and where they are at.
This is beautiful, good, and helpful advice from a mom who has not gone through this loss and would not know what to do or say, or when to not do or say anything. Thank you.
Any serious loss will remain with you forever…time only makes it easier to forget sometimes
My second miscarriage happened Mother’s Day weekend. 16 years later and I still feel that sting each year. Thank you for bringing this important subject to light. No one should suffer in silence!
People seem to forget that just because you never looked into your child’s eyes, doesn’t mean you didnt feel every movement they made while here on earth. This is a tough subject, a miscarried baby is still a baby…and they still also wouldve been their mothers friend..
Very thoughtful
I never thought about that for Mother’s with losses. Thanks for the article.
So very poignant.
I had one miscarriage but My Daugher had 2 miscarriage was so hard for daughter deal with lost of her child
So sad that people don’t realize how much of a shared experience this is for all people.
I have so many friends who have gone through this or going through this. These are great ideas.
I’m sure Mother’s Day is tough on women who have had miscarriages. Bless their hearts. Thanks for posting!
My daughter has gone through this.
Fortunately I have never had this horrific experience but do know those who have and my heart goes out to them as well as all of you that have had to go through this
So important to remember these mothers. Society often forgets and moves on – out of sight, out of mind – but the brave mothers who have lived through the loss of their child will never forget. I’ve had friends and family members bear this pain, and the strength they’ve shown to rise up is more than admirable.