Handling Stormy Days with Difficult Subjects: 3 Do’s and Don’ts

It’s nearing the end of the school year for many of us, and that can be good and bad at times! On the positive side, that means it’s almost time for a break! On the negative side, it can mean that our children are ready to be done with school, and they can sometimes be distracted or just downright cranky when it’s time to get some school work done. Whether it’s the end of your school year, you homeschool year round, or you’re reading this as you get ready to begin a new school year, we all deal with difficult days now and then. This guest post shares some tips for handling them. We hope you find it helpful!

Having a bad homeschool day? I’ve had lots of them. Let’s be honest, when you factor in Mommy’s mood, each child’s mood and amount of sleep, the number of chores that need to be done in the house, and the unfavorable subjects that are sitting in front of you, the chances of a downward spiral are exponential!

A day that starts off sunny and bright with good intentions can quickly become clouded with ill feelings and self-defeating thoughts. This is especially true when the academic subjects at hand are challenging or uninspiring. I used to succumb to these seemingly inevitable storms. Unfortunately, this turned into an unnecessary and unprofitable habit.

Here’s an example of how it often used to go at our house:

I’d struggle to work on a concept (algebra, for instance), my scholars wouldn’t catch on but instead would either whine or goof off and not settle down. As frustration mounted, I would subject them to my unhappy sentiments. Finally, I’d tell them to go do something else while I gathered my wits. The intention was to come back to the subject after a short break. However, I’d soon find myself thinking, “Let’s just get a fresh start tomorrow and tackle it then.” So after our break, I wouldn’t continue with the algebra lesson. I would simply move on to a different subject.

It wasn’t until years of repeating this pattern that it was brought to my attention. One of my sons, who had already graduated, coached his younger sibling by pointing out that if a subject wasn’t going well, Mom would just get frustrated and tell everyone to go outside: Problem solved and everyone’s happy. OUCH. Did I really do that? A lot?

I changed my mode that day. I wish I’d seen the problem sooner. After all, what kind of example was I presenting to my children? Yikes! And I realized that each episode subtly undermined my feelings of success and authenticity as a homeschooling parent.

Thankfully, I’ve worked through it. If you recognize this trait in yourself, I have three suggestions which might help you to handle a homeschool day when those storm clouds are forming.

1) DON’T put the subject off for tomorrow. DO take a timed break and hit it again, even if briefly.

I know it’s hard. The subject matter might be tedious or difficult. No one feels like making the effort to grasp the concept. Putting it off for tomorrow would bring welcomed relief: Switch subjects, let the kids go play or read (or watch something “educational” on TV!). But this is a deceptive trap. Much like the secret habit of snacking on chips and salsa at midnight (Am I the only one?), you’ll tell yourself you won’t do it again…but you will! Best to nip it in the bud now and take the high road of perseverance and commitment: valuable qualities we all want our children to develop.

Instead, do take a break (You all need it!) but use the timer and resolve to come back to it as soon as the break is over. Consider approaching the subject in a different way. Check Pinterest! Seriously, you will be amazed at the many fun, fresh, and compelling ideas on many subjects: algebra, economics, you name it! When returning to the troublesome subject after your break, make it brief if you’d like, and decide to continue tomorrow. A painless way to demonstrate perseverance.

2) DON’T vent to your students. DO find a constructive way of blowing off steam.

Venting feelings of irritation toward your children is a lose-lose situation. Nothing constructive comes of this. If they don’t understand what you are trying to teach, then it’s up to you to figure out how to guide them. But in the heat of the moment, that’s not going to happen because you’re the one who needs help. So go in your room and cry, call your spouse or a friend, seek support or advice online, or pray….be heard by someone other than your children. This feeling will pass, and your relationship with your kids will still be intact. And what’s really more important than that?

3) DON’T let negative self-speak make it worse. DO keep perspective and give yourself some grace.

You may feel like you are the worst, most inept homeschool parent in the world. Acknowledge that feeling, but then move on. Don’t go down the road of self-pity and self-doubt. Instead, think about your reasons for homeschooling. There is purpose in this, and your effort is valiant and worthwhile. Give yourself some kudos for the courage it takes to step out of the status quo and homeschool your children.

Educate yourself, get ideas, and move to improve. If, in the midst of your day, you discover you are ill-equipped to help your children learn a particular subject, resolve to get help! There are so many resources: Classes, co-ops, online courses, and tutors. There’s no shame in being unable to cover subjects yourself. The goal is to provide an education for your children while still imparting values and character that you deem important. Offering instruction from someone other than yourself can provide valuable expertise, richness, and depth, and you’ll feel great about getting the subject covered in a meaningful way.

Finally, spend some time with other homeschool moms, and you’ll find you are not the only one who feels insufficient. In 24 years of homeschooling, I’ve yet to meet a mom who felt she had it all together. Homeschooling doesn’t require perfection or academic accolades. It does require patience and perseverance, but you know what? The way to develop that type of character is to live it one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, subject by subject.

So keep up the good work, Mama. And when clouds form and threaten your homeschool day, try taking some of these positive steps, and fair weather will soon return.

 

Resa Dance lives in northern California with her husband and the two youngest of their eight children. Author of Five Essentials of Homeschooling: Straight Talk from a Mom Who Knows, Resa understands the ups and downs of being a homeschooling parent and has experienced the full gamut several times from kindergarten through high school graduation. While being the proud mom of successful and creative adult children, she also continues to enjoy the delights and struggles of homeschooling her 9-year-old daughters. You can read more from Resa at Pitcher and Plate.