For Better or Worse

Having been married for 27 years, I completely understand what they mean by “for better or worse.”

For better or for worse.....an older woman's thoughts on marriage


Of course, the Better part is pretty easy.  He’s so nice and you’re so respectful and it feels like life will always be sweet.

To quote one of the greats, “Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…”

Then the Worse part hits and….OUCH!  Not so easy anymore.

I remember as a young wife thinking of how dreamy my life was going to be with this prince by my side.  He would make me so happy.  Then he did something innocent that hurt my feelings, and the bubble was burst.  How was this possible?!  I had counted on lifelong happiness and effortless romance.

“Inconceivable!” Vizzini

And that was just the third day of our marriage….yes, my dream died early.

But then something else happened.  Something I never imagined when I stood before the preacher in a white dress.  God started changing my heart.  He showed me how it is His love that I need to be fulfilled by and not my husband’s.  He taught me, through some wise, older women, that I need to be seeking to meet my husband’s needs more than having him meet mine.

It wasn’t easy, changing from a whiny wife to a woman after God’s heart.  My selfisnness was very strong.

“Is very strange…… now that it’s over, I don’t know what to do with the rest of my life.” Inigo Montoya

Slowly, one step at a time I managed to tame the beast, and what did I find waiting for me?  A beautiful relationship that would, through the years, not only grow into a strong bond but also draw me nearer to Christ through those Worst moments.

Being a wife means submission, respect, support, and a lot of prayer!  It didn’t turn out to be the job I expected, but I am so much richer for learning that!  I have a kind of happiness now that doesn’t come from being pampered and petted.  My source of happiness is selflessness, kindness, and yes, some sleepless nights and moments of uneasiness.

If, say, he wants to take the money we have been saving for a new couch and use it to get the car fixed…..I might feel upset about that.  But then I realize, he is our leader and he wants the best for us.  I may want to discuss it further, but he knows that I will follow his decision without bitterness once it has been made.  Girls, it took me a LONG time to get to that place.  This old stubborn gal did not go down without a fight.

But I wish that I could pour out upon you the delight you feel when you let go of your own ideas and let him lead.  It is glorious.  Not necessarily fun or comfortable, but deeply satisfying.

I can say that while it has been a rocky road sometimes, I know that I am a better woman for the trials in my marriage.  We laugh at ourselves, we enjoy each other, we support one another.  And yep, it even gets romantic from time to time.

“As you wish.” Wesley

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