Never in a million years did I ever expect to be a homeschooling parent. My mother was an elementary school teacher until the time of my adoption, and then stayed home with my brothers and me. I attended a private school for two years, and completed my elementary and secondary education at public school. I was very involved in clubs and sports, and attended college to major in education. My husband’s mother made a career of teaching French in a public school, his grandmother was the librarian for our school district, and his grandfather was the principal and eventually superintendent of the very same school.
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You might say… we have public education in our DNA.
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We became parents, and we sent our sweet, sensitive daughter to preschool, because That Is What You Do. It didn’t occur to us to not send her, she needed to be Ready! For! School! When it came time, we sent our clever and creative child away to Kindergarten, because That Is What You Do when you have a 5 year old.
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The transition was not smooth. It was a horrible, horrible time. Every day she would refuse to get out of bed, refuse to dress, to eat breakfast, to walk out the door. “Don’t worry”, they would say, “it will get easier in October.” But it didn’t, it got worse. My mother-in-law came to my house every morning to help; I was pregnant with our fourth child, and I just couldn’t handle her behavior and my two younger sons.
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We spoke with her teachers, the school psychologist, the school social worker, the principal, and our family doctor. Her classroom teacher was very supportive, and worked closely with us to develop a behavior management plan that linked school and home, but there was no success. We began therapy sessions outside of the school day. The therapist told us, “She’s a very stressed little girl.” I wanted to scream. “I KNOW THIS!!! TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW! TELL ME WHY!!!”
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My closest friends, who were already schooling their children, would listen to me, and offer ideas and support. They asked, “Have you thought of pulling her out of school?” The thought shocked me. Take her out of school? What? You can’t do that! What on earth would I do with her all day long?
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My husband and I spent most of our free time trying to figure out how to handle our daughter. In a moment of wisdom, he identified that the change we needed to make was to eliminate public school from the equation. We’d changed everything else we were able to change, we’d endured all we could endure.
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We keep our children home, and believe me, the question of what I’ll do with them all day long has never crossed my mind. We didn’t send our other children to preschool, because we realized that the idea of ‘That Is What You Do’ is incomplete. What you do should be what is best for your child, not what your neighbors do for their children. What you do should be based on the quiet whisperings of your soul, not public opinion. What you do should foster a love of learning in your children, and bring peace to your home. Never allow expectations to become a trap!
Pamela lives in rural Western New York State with her superty nice husband and their four mostly lovely short people, ages 8, 6, 4, and 2. She loves her French Press, dSLR, and cake, and when she’s not busy with parenting, homeschooling and doing laundry, she enjoys canning, knitting, and sewing. Pamela blogs at the dayton time, and you can also find her on Twitter & Facebook.
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11 Comments
Great post! If only every mom would listen to their parental intuition. I grew up in Christian School then Public School. Horrible. I’ve always wanted to ask a few people I know – How do you really feel about dropping your child off at school? Do you really feel right about that?
A great post with so much truth. I have friends who meet the first day of school and have a sob fest – after dropping off their kids. I never understood that – keep them home if you are crying and they are crying – life is too short for that!!
I wish more people were as sensitive and focused as you and your husband were. What a blessing to your children!!
Girl- I SO am with ya! I’ve always referred to myself as an “accidental homeschooler” – We went against the grain (family and friends in a small community) when we pulled our oldest out of school – now we have 3 of them at home! I gave up a profitable real estate career to keep them home- our whole lives have done a 360- and I love it!
I am a psychologist who gave up my career to stay home with my children. I was a reluctant homeschooler, too, but I do think most people feel very okay about taking their children to school. Most women tell me they couldn’t stand to have their children home with them all day. Then I hear that their children would never listen to them. How they can think either of these issues isn’t a problem apart from school
Is baffling to me. Then again I was a reluctant homeschooler, too.
I love this. My oldest son is almost 5. When he was 3, we was “suppose” to put him in preschool, because “that’s what you do”. We chose not to and started looking into home school. He’s now old enough to be in kindergarten, but we’re waiting until next year to start “officially” home schooling him in kindergarten. I totally agree you have to do what feels right for you and your kids.
Really. Loved. This. Post. Thank you for identifying that unspoken assumption of society which we often unknowingly use to govern our important decisions. It takes guts to actually look at all the options and to follow through with what is right for you and your family. For ourselves, we homeschool in the early years and send kids to school for high school because that is the right fit for us. Oh…and we have seven kids. I never dreamed I’d have that many but it has felt gloriously fulfilling despite the pressure and disdain from societal norms. Thanks for your voice in this post and thank you Modern Mom for posting it!
To do what is right… It doesn’t always align with societal norms, it isn’t always easy to do. It takes a great deal of strength to go against the grain. But the rewards are always much more greater. A toast to all who go against the grain: May we all have the strength and courage to follow our hearts and do right for others!
Pamela lives in rural Western New York State with her superty nice husband and their four mostly lovely short people, ages 8, 6, 4, and 2. She loves her French Press, dSLR, and cake, and when she’s not busy with parenting, homeschooling and doing laundry, she enjoys canning, knitting, and sewing. Pamela blogs at the dayton time, and you can also find her on Twitter & Facebook.
Great post! If only every mom would listen to their parental intuition. I grew up in Christian School then Public School. Horrible. I’ve always wanted to ask a few people I know – How do you really feel about dropping your child off at school? Do you really feel right about that?
Beautiful post. Congratulations on doing the right thing for your children.
A great post with so much truth. I have friends who meet the first day of school and have a sob fest – after dropping off their kids. I never understood that – keep them home if you are crying and they are crying – life is too short for that!!
I wish more people were as sensitive and focused as you and your husband were. What a blessing to your children!!
Happy Homeschooling!
Janelle
Girl- I SO am with ya! I’ve always referred to myself as an “accidental homeschooler” – We went against the grain (family and friends in a small community) when we pulled our oldest out of school – now we have 3 of them at home! I gave up a profitable real estate career to keep them home- our whole lives have done a 360- and I love it!
I am a psychologist who gave up my career to stay home with my children. I was a reluctant homeschooler, too, but I do think most people feel very okay about taking their children to school. Most women tell me they couldn’t stand to have their children home with them all day. Then I hear that their children would never listen to them. How they can think either of these issues isn’t a problem apart from school
Is baffling to me. Then again I was a reluctant homeschooler, too.
Wonderful post. I had to read this part out loud: That Is What You Do. I have heard this so much!
I love this. My oldest son is almost 5. When he was 3, we was “suppose” to put him in preschool, because “that’s what you do”. We chose not to and started looking into home school. He’s now old enough to be in kindergarten, but we’re waiting until next year to start “officially” home schooling him in kindergarten. I totally agree you have to do what feels right for you and your kids.
Really. Loved. This. Post. Thank you for identifying that unspoken assumption of society which we often unknowingly use to govern our important decisions. It takes guts to actually look at all the options and to follow through with what is right for you and your family. For ourselves, we homeschool in the early years and send kids to school for high school because that is the right fit for us. Oh…and we have seven kids. I never dreamed I’d have that many but it has felt gloriously fulfilling despite the pressure and disdain from societal norms. Thanks for your voice in this post and thank you Modern Mom for posting it!
***I meant, Hip Homeschool Moms!***
Well written. I love this line, “we realized that the idea of ‘That Is What You Do’ is incomplete.”
To do what is right… It doesn’t always align with societal norms, it isn’t always easy to do. It takes a great deal of strength to go against the grain. But the rewards are always much more greater. A toast to all who go against the grain: May we all have the strength and courage to follow our hearts and do right for others!